..my nirvana story

Nirvana changed my life. I know that might sound a little too silly but come to think of it, it is true. Music is my other passion besides movies. I was exposed to music at an early age. Aku banyak dipengaruhi oleh abang-abang aku yang memang minat dengan muzik. Aku masih ingat semasa umur aku 7 tahun, aku, abang aku dan 3 orang sepupu aku selalu dress-up sebagai Prince & The Revolution sambil miming lagu When Doves Cry (of course aku akan jadi Prince..hehe). Atau masa aku umur 9 tahun, aku dan 2 orang abang aku selalu practice that 1,2 step yg kumpulan Freedom selalu buat dalam lagu Mulanya Di Sini. Or that time bila kakak aku organize that Breakdance competition kat hall rumah aku complete with those maroon Nike tracksuits and headband. (..hadiahnya coklat and gula-gula aja, tapi aku still akan menang sbb kalau tak aku nangis. hehe). U could say I'm in tune with the current trend at those time.

Bila time remaja, aku seperti seorang typical teenager, akan terikut-ikut trend muzik pada zaman itu. Rock muzik memang sudah sebati dalam diri aku. Wings, Search, Lefthanded, di antaranya, memang muzik yang aku selalu dengar. Koleksi-koleksi kaset aku dan abang-abang aku dah mencecah angka ratus. Aku jugak terdedah kepada muzik rock barat seperti Scorpions, Def Leppard, Europe, Bon Jovi, Van Halen, Motley Crue, Poison, Whitesnake, Guns n Roses etc. Muzik rock memang menjadi pilihan hati sehingga sekarang. Kalau nak diikutkan, aku dengar semua jenis muzik. Dalam umur aku yang masih muda, sesetengah material yang aku dengar memang tidak kena dengan umur aku. Jazz, R&B, Funk, Disco, Pop, Soul, Folk... u name it. Semua aku bantai dengar. But of course as a teenager you tend to follow the trend. Masa zaman rock kangkang aku ada kasut Aliph dengan tali fluorescent, complete dengan seluar jeans ketat dan t-shirt Whitesnake kecik. Masa zaman 4U2C, aku juga terikut-ikut gantung CD, pakai cap terbalik, seluar GQ kotak-kotak, belt buckle leweh dan pakai windbreaker sport walaupun pada waktu tengahari. (!) And of course, everybody loves NKOTB (.. u know who u are, hehe). I have to admit, I still listen to NKOTB Greatest Hits album once in a while just for old time sake. Layan beb.!

But I can still remember one evening, I was watching this entertainment show on TV3. The VJ introduced the next video and it's from this group called Nirvana. The song is called Smell Like Teen Spirit. At that time aku pernah terbaca pasal group Nirvana ni. Tapi dalam fikiran aku muzik rock yang diaorang mainkan sama seperti muzik Guns N Roses atau Bon Jovi. Hair metal bands were big at that time. So aku pun tak amik port sangat. I was about to change the channel when they played the video. And then it happened...

the opening riff of Smell Like Teen Spirit started playing...
!!..............(silence).
!!..............(mulut ternganga).

Whoa! What the hell is this music their playing??! What are they wearing?? Who are these three guys?? Who is Nirvana??? What does Nirvana mean..?? I was awestruck. I never heard anything like it. The music was loud and angry but at the same time melodic and layered. What do they call this music.?? Where do I find more of this music...??

15 minit lepas aku tengok video klip Smell Like Teen Spirit, aku capai topi besi NKOTB aku dan keluar ke kedai kaset dengan basikal mountain bike kesayangan aku. Aku terus beli 2 album Nirvana, Bleach dan Nevermind. Aku singgah di kedai mamak jual majalah dan terus beli semua magazine yang ada tulis pasal Nirvana. Apa dah jadi pada aku?? Kenapa aku begitu teruja dengan muzik bising, hingar dan bingit ni...? Sampai di rumah aku terus pasang kaset Nevermind. Dan buat pertama kali dalam hidup aku, aku dapat merasakan muzik. Sebelum tu aku hanya mendengar tapi tidak merasa. Buat pertama kali aku cuba untuk memahami lirik sesebuah lagu. Muzik Nirvana telah membuatkan aku berfikir. Membuatkan aku menghargai muzik. Membuatkan aku ingin tahu tentang muzik dengan lebih mendalam.

Kaset Nevermind yang aku beli aku dengar sampai tali tapenya haus. 2 minggu non-stop! Sampai aku dah boleh hafal semua lagu. Aku pinjamkan kepada kawan-kawan aku di sekolah. At least 5 of them have the same effect that I have. We were blown away. The music is contagious! Tapi aku masih tak puas dengan hanya mendengar. Aku beli gitar Kapok dengan harga RM45. Aku beli buku chord gitar. Aku belajar sendiri main gitar. Aku ajak kawan-kawan aku belajar main gitar dengan aku. Kami belajar main lagu Nirvana hanya dengan mendengar kaset dan ikut dengan gitar. We learn by ear. Dengan hanya berbekalkan kepandaian main beberapa chord dan lagu Nirvana, bermulalah zaman jamming aku. Setiap kali habis jamming memang kami tak puas hati. Kami terus belajar untuk main gitar dengan lebih perfect. Belajar lebih banyak lagu Nirvana. Dari gitar aku belajar main bass. Kemudian main dram. The adrenaline rush that we got when we play music is intense. You could almost feel the energy inside the jamming studio. I never felt those kind of energy before. My obsession with Nirvana continues. Bleach, Nevermind, Incesticide, In Utero, Unplugged in New York, a few bootlegs, posters, T-shirts, neck chains, books, magazines, videos, everything and anything that I could lay my hands on that was remotely connected to Nirvana.

By that time, Nirvana was huge. Everybody was jumping on the bandwagon. The kids started wearing flannel shirts, dirty cardigans, torn jeans and Converse. Almost everybody in my school started picking up guitars and went to the nearest jamming studio. Everybody wanted to be Kurt Cobain. He was the poster boy of my generation. He was the definition of cool. For us he was the voice of our teenage angst. The brother that we always wish we have. By the time everybody was just starting to enjoy the Nevermind album, I was discovering more great music. Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, Temple of the Dog, Mother Love Bone, Mudhoney, Sonic Youth, Screaming Trees, Soul Asylum, Dinosaur Jr, Lemonheads, Green River, Melvins, Meat Puppets and of course the mighty Pearl Jam. I started appreciating music. Instead of just hearing the melody, I was now more interested in the music arrangement, the guitar solo, the bassline, the drum beat, the hook, the riff, the bridge, the chorus, the distorted guitar sound, the plucking, the strumming, the slapping and the lyrics. I was interested in writing songs of my own. Composing my own guitar solo. I was expressing myself more through music. I was opening up. I was getting in touch with my inner self. My feelings, my anger, my love, my loathe, my life. Whether I like it or not, music has definitely changed me. And it all started with that one infectious Nirvana song...

After Seattle rock, alternative rock, grunge or whatever u call it started to fade away, and after Cobain died, the spirit of music still carries on. More great music was discovered. Silverchair, Weezer, Radiohead, Hole, Blind Melon, Mad Season, Jane's Addiction, Foo Fighters, Green Day, Offspring, The Breeders, Live, Garbage, Muse, Rancid, Butterfingers, Projek AK, Pilgrims, Subculture, Happy Nightmare, Nice Stupid Playground, Force Vomit, Saturnine, Spiral Kinetic Circus among others, along with those bands that I mentioned earlier, were among the bands that I listen to regularly until now. Those were the bands that define my generation. Everytime I listen to their music, I was transported back to those good old days. No matter how drastic the music industry has changed, those were the music that I truly enjoy. It’s like the 60's with the rock n roll, the 70's with the disco, the 80's with the new wave, the 90's is all about the alternative rock. And the person who is responsible for changing the music industry and pave the way for so many other band is none other than Kurt Cobain. He was the greatest songwriter of my time. Few people could write a song like Cobain. And he seemed so amiable. Everybody liked Kurt, even those people who didn't know a thing about him. I admire him not because of his rock star persona (which he hated) and his suicidal tendencies, but for being a musical genius, a talented songwriter and for the musical legacy that he left behind. Personally, I think Nirvana hasn't only introduced grunge/alternative rock to me. Nirvana has open me up. It makes me appreciate other musical genre like hip-hop (..Jay-Z, Mos Def), electronica (..Chemical Brothers, Fatboy Slim), gangsta rap (..Tupac, Snoop, Dr Dre), Indo-rock (..Dewa, Padi, Slank, Jamrud, Gigi) and others. If it wasn't for Nirvana, I would be merely listening instead of appreciating the message, the depth and the music that the artist is trying to project in each of their songs. If it wasn't for Nirvana, music is just music rather than an art form of self-expression and freedom. If it wasn't for Nirvana, music would only be an entertainment instead of an escapism. If it wasn't for Nirvana, I would be different. Whether I like it or not, whether I want to believe it or not, that is in fact the truth.

"...oh well, whatever, nevermind."